There comes a time in every end of relationship, that the dump-er and/or dump-ee wonders, “Is my ex still the same person I was with?”
Relationships are complicated in their own right, but breakups are far worse. You suddenly find yourself wandering through the unknown. No matter who did the breaking, it’s still hard to recover from a breakup. You were with someone for some time, your life revolved and shaped itself around that person, and suddenly… Not anymore. So, it’s been established that getting over a breakup is hard. I think, though, that the worst part of a breakup is knowing the person you were with no longer exists.
Past relationships, in my opinion, are great practice. You can’t look back on a relationship and be like “What a waste of time!” If the guy was a dick, you learn you no longer want to date dicks. If he cheated on you, you learn the signs of a cheating man and how to guard your heart a little better. And you also learn how to total someone’s car without leaving evidence… Kidding. All of these relationships in one way or another, shape you. They’re events in your life that take part in shaping the final version of who you are.
With that in mind, not only is your ex different, you are, too. Think about it for a second, if you’ve ever lived through a traumatic experience or something similar, you know that after it happens you’re not the same. So, if for instance you suddenly feel like being around your ex is different and you see him/her leading a different life… Be proud. You know what that means? That means you were enough a core-shaker to alter the way he/she is in some way. Yes, it is hard to look at your ex of only a few months and think, “God, he or she is not the guy I fell in love with”. But keep in mind, you meant something to him/her.
So, I guess the answer is no, your ex is not the same person you were with. He or she is the same person, post-you. As well as you’re the same person, post-him/her. Like John Green says, “The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” Forgive, learn and move on. Great things lie ahead.