If you’re getting fucked over, might as well do it twice

Today I want a tell you a little story about forgiveness. JK. This is a story about someone who fucked me over, big time, and then did it again. And I let him. I want to repeat myself, this is not to demean anyone in the story, as they’re most likely not the same person they were then, I’m sure I’m not. These stories are all to give you all a little insight into how much of an idiot I am.

I was an asshole and an idiot. I forgot about the asshole part until I remembered how this story started. A guy, who is the center of this anecdote, came into my life like a wrecking ball (and not in the Miley Cyrus romantic-licking-a-hammer kind of way). We had known each other for a while, been friendly. We hung out in the same stoner area in college (I was not a stoner, but I studied English Lit, so yeah). For some reason one day we ended up alone in the area we call “El Teatro” and just talked for, like, ever. Me, being the nosey person that I am, asked him very personal questions right off the bat. I distinctly remember asking him how many of the girls who hung out there he had hooked up with, because I knew there were more than just a few. I also didn’t give a flying fuck about boundaries. To this day I think asking outrageous questions is the realest way to get to know someone. For some reason, he wasn’t offended, more like fascinated.

Coincidentally – and this is where me being an asshole comes in – a friend of mine, whom I will give no name to, was also interested in him. Of note: she was interested in him in a far away kind of interest. Like the guy you think is cute in your Behavioral Sciences class, but would never date unless he went out of his way to do so. BUT it doesn’t excuse what I did, it was dickish and sucky and just wrong. GIRL CODE, DAMN IT.

I went into this knowing I was moving to Boston when I graduated, which was about seven months away. So we were dating. He was interesting and smart, kind of haughty and pedantic, but usually with other people so I was okay with it (I usually found it kinda sexy). But then shit happened…

I didn’t trust him. And ladies and gentlemen, I want to advise you to NEVER DO WHAT I DID (and I will tell you why*). I didn’t trust him so I went through his phone (RUDE AF). And of course, I found a few things that sucked here and there, nothing too horrendous, but then I hit the mother load. And it was the worst kind of blow. Unfortunately, this is too personal beyond my life and affects others, so I won’t go into detail. But I will just say, he cheated on me and more. Now that, ladies and gents, sucked dick. It sucked mostly because it hurt my pride. What did she have that I didn’t? Why is he looking for more? Why why why why. And THIS is why cheating is awful.

I packed a bag and he begged for forgiveness. We were months away from breaking up anyway and I enjoyed his company enough so I stayed.

Why.

Did.

I.

Stay.

Our relationship continued seemingly well.

Until again, I didn’t trust him. And I went through his phone again. And there she was, AGAIN.

They had made plans to meet etcetcetc. Needless to say, WTF.

Now, let me retrace my steps. Remember when I told you I didn’t trust him and saw that he had cheated and forgave him? This is where I have a confession to make. I forgave him the first time in large part because I had also “cheated” on him around the time he had “cheated” on me. I wasn’t even sure if we had even cheated on each other since we had been “together” nearly two months at the time. Although, like I said, what he did was worse than cheating, but I like I said, I won’t get into it.

This time, though, I had been faithful. And it made me doubt myself beyond the first time around. It made me doubt myself as a woman, sexually. Which sucks a lot for someone is so open about sexuality. Or for anyone honestly.

Although the relationship had an expiration date, I at least expected a level of respect. And I did not receive it.

I told him I forgave him, because at this point we were less than two months away from me moving away. And I’m really bad with confrontation AKA breakups. So, I was 2x an idiot and stayed AGAIN (HALP).

Whyyyyyy.

I remember my last weeks, where I had pulled away almost entirely. He kept trying to reach me. Did nice things for me. It was too late though. So women/men, realize that we all have a limit. No body, brain, soul was made to endure such abuse. Things snowball and when you realize, it’s too late, and the resentment is TOO MUCH.

NEVER LET IT GET THERE. Communicate, and if that doesn’t work, move on. Because a relationship between two people who loved each other should never end with both parties hating each other and that’s what happens when you let shit snowball.

*LADIES AND MEN ALIKE – NEVER EVER CHECK YOUR PARTNER’S PHONES. I will tell you why, “El que busca encuentra”. Translates to “he/she whom seeks, will find”. You will ALWAYS find something to pick at and argue about. If you aren’t trusting your partner enough to want to check their phone, then something is wrong and you need to address it before you even THINK about actually doing it. I, for one, have now learned to either trust my partner blindly or break it up. It’s not worth the doubt and the questioning and the fighting.

I hope I have depicted myself correcly as the idiot and asshole that I was back then.

Oh and after I told my friend about how well the relationship turned out, she forgave me. Ok, I’m lying, she had already forgiven me, but she did thank me!

Sooooo, there was my anecdote for today. Hope you all enjoyed!

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Ilustration is by Carrie Hartman

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Glasses are my thing, and how it happened

So, this morning I woke up as usual, kind of not really aware of my surroundings, and desperately reaching around for my glasses so I can make sense of the world. At this point I’ve been wearing glasses full-time (yes, like a job) for five years. However I had discovered I needed them eight years ago. What happened during those three years before I was wearing them full-time, you ask? I lived in denial. I, for some reason, thought I looked horrible with glasses and would carry them in my bag for only dire situations like class or 3D movies. Sidenote: 3D movies for people with myopia is inhumane torture. Anyway, I remember walking around the University campus and not being able to discern anyone’s face unless they were right next to me. I would constantly get messages from people telling me I was a bitch for ignoring them. If you’re reading this, you now realize I was a vain idiot.

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Me wearing my first Warby Parker glasses.

I can’t really pinpoint the moment I decided, fuck it! I needed glasses desperately. It was ridiculous to walk around half knowing what you were seeing. Truly. Slowly but surely, I began wearing them more and more. Until I reached a point I was wearing them daily, and that’s when it became very important to me which glasses I wore.

Slightly off-topic – you’re all probably wondering, “why don’t you wear contacts?” Good question amigos! I don’t wear contacts because contacts are not my friend. I tried, not too long ago, to wear contacts for the first time. Little did I know you have to try them on and take them off three times successfully at the doctor’s office before they let you leave with them. I was originally scheduled for an hour and a half session. I was there for a little under three hours. My eyes were as red as my anger was and dry as my soul. I literally wanted to strangle them for making me do this. Alas, they let me leave with me having put them in and taken them out TWICE. Yes folks, twice in almost three hours. After that I wore them only for special occasions, like my birthday in Puerto Rico. But really I just didn’t like the feel of them. I decided firmly that they weren’t for me.

Now that that’s been cleared up, I got obsessed with glasses. Maybe a little too obsessed. Please see below my collection.

Shop my glasses: first on the left, second on the left, third on the left, right, bottom.

Also, yes, I’m aware my hair also changes as much as my glasses. What I can I say? I love to change it up!

*There’s also a pair that’s missing form there, but I don’t seem to have any pictures wearing them, which makes sense because they’re my “at home” glasses.

My collection has glasses from Warby Parker, Tom Ford, Miu Miu, and GlassesUSA. They all cater to a side of my personality, which I think is why I have embraced using glasses. I’m not very much on accessorizing, I use the same necklace and watch and nothing else – so I make up for it in glasses.

I’ll never forget a previous boss of mine (she was just five years older than me) came in to work wearing glasses and told me how odd she felt because “glasses are your thing”. And I just felt like there has never been a statement so true. So please blind women everywhere, embrace your blindness and make it cool.

Leave me a comment below telling me how cool I am! Or just make fun of me IDC!

xxxxxx

 

I’m BAAAAACK

Hi All,

I guess, I don’t even know how or where to start. It’s been almost 4 years since I last posted on here? What? Don’t worry, I’m still here being just as awkward and trying to be fab… and still failing. But hey, I am no quitter!

So what’s new? I moved to Boston, fucked up grandly in more ways than one, got an adult job, hated it, left it, moved to DC, have another adult job, still don’t have a 401k cause my money’s in my shoes, and live with my sis now. Uh, I think that sums it up pretty nicely.

So, here’s what’s new with the blog – I want to continue posting about fashion and all that jazz. But I also am going to post my creative writing. As well as any random thoughts/memories/stories that pop into my mind.

Right now I need a creative outlet, and THAT’s what you guys are going to be for me. I need a place to be me without giving a flying fuck about opinions or seeming PC. 9-5 life will do that to you I suppose.

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So, here’s a fun little tidbit of juiciness. I WANT TO PREFACE THIS by saying this story (and any of the stories following) are not being written to make ANYONE, except myself, look bad.

Once upon a time I was young, naive and insecure. Basically, I was every college student trying to “find herself”. Any who, I met this guy, who we will call Joe. I cannot recall for the life of me HOW we met, but it was some type of cyber way, because my brain cannot really exact a physical meeting. Anyway, Joe, for my standards and tastes, was a regulation hottie. He had that classic Guaynabo look (this would make sense if you’re from Puerto Rico) tan skin, brown eyes, brown hair, tall, lean. IDK if I can speak for all girls from other places in PR, but guys, I’ll admit it, I had a thing for Guaynabo boys. Why? IDK. They were a mystical creature from another planet from my point of view. At that time. However, he was not all there in the head. I can’t speak for him now, but he definitely was missing more than a few neurons back in the day.

I didn’t care. I thought he was the cutest thing to look my way. Boy, was I an idiot. We continued this shitty “relationship” (if you dare call it such a thing!) where we spoke all the time ABOUT NOTHING and hardly ever saw each other. Please note, I have been in denial of getting my driver’s license and have made all boys who date me have to pick me up and drop me off in the hell hole called Dorado (not so close to the rest of the world) all my life. In other words, I sucked. But I digress. He called me nearly every day, like I was drug that he needed. I made him feel better about himself when he fucked up. I was there to listen. I was there for him. Snoooooooze fest.

So the time of year came around for Las Fiestas de la Calle San Sebastian (translates to: a party where all Puerto Ricans get drunk collectively and have a shitty time but MUST ATTEND or else you’re nobody). I had planned on meeting up with him, but as goes with this party yearly, your plans usually change. People get lost (once my boyfriend and I lost each other in a crowd NO JOKE NO LIE) and sometimes (most times) people get in arguments and just abandon each other. Ours was a much more drama free situation, I think he just ended up bailing cause his friends were doing so as well. Whatever the case was, I ran into this girl we all (people from Dorado) knew. We will name her Karen. I, being the idiot I was/am, go chat to her because I remember she knows Joe. I’m so excited to finally talk to someone who actually knows him, and after our small talk I ask enthusiastically “You know Joe, right?” and Karen, the young doll that she is, answers “Yeah, I made out with him the other night!”

Pause.

Pause.

Pause.

Awkward silence.

Pause.

“I’ve been kinda dating him” I reply while my body slowly contorts itself into fetal position on the street. (JK! Kinda)

Pause.

Awkward silence.

“Omg, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. I-”

Goodbye Karen.

 

Needless to say, he wasn’t hot enough for that shit. I know guys, what a dumb story, but hey, don’t you love awkward moments! I know I do……n’t?

Leave  me a comment with some love and sugar. Or some hate. IDC. #desperateforattention #maybe

xxxxxxx

New Purchases!

Hey all,

I know I’ve been sort of AWOL with the fashion part of the blog lately, but I’m back! I made a few purchases I saw necesary for my closet. I’m trying to keep my purchases casual since I’ve hardly been going out lately, so my college outfits are gaining importance. Anywho, here they are:

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Starting off with these new pair of high top converse. I have a pair just like these but low and VERY old. I decided to purchase a new pair because the old ones were so damaged! I love these because they’re versatile and don’t get permanent damage like the white ones.

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These cute whine colored boots from Journey’s! I saw a friend of mine wearing these one day and I had to have them. They’re SUPER comfortable and so stylish. They add oomph to any outfit. I also can’t get over the color. I love them.

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These American Eagle boyfriend shorts. They were on sale and they’re perfect to pair with the aforementioned shoes. So, had to do it.

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These American Eagle midi shorts as well. Because I bought the other ones, these only cost me like $6! I had been wanting a pair of midi shorts since all of mine are kind of too short for college. I walk around pulling my shorts lower all the time. It’s annoying. So, they’re perfect.

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Finally, I purchased this really cute hat from BCBG Generation. I think it’s so versatile and casual. It’s perfect to give any outfit a little bit of detail.

 

I also purchased (but not gonna show) three pairs of socks from F21 that I plan on mixing & matching with the shoes I purchased. And, I also am in the process of switching perfumes. So, right now I’m using Balenciaga’s Florabotanica, but I don’t feel convinced. Any perfumes you guys recommend?

 

What has been going on in your lives? What was your last purchase?

Take care!

xxoo

New Stuff! (21 years!!)

Hey there guys!
It feels like forever. I’m sorry for going AWOL, I honestly have no good excuse. My birthday was on the 24th (yeeey!) so I just thought I’d post 2 things I bought with birthday money and my sister’s present.

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I saw this top on sale at the outlets and had to have one. They were in a variety of colors and prints, but this one really caught my eye. It’s just a fun top to pair with a skirt.

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I’ve been wanting a pair of pants like these for ages. These I found at a local store called Valija Gitana, on sale as well. They’re a light, high-waisted pant and I loved how it looked.

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This was my sister’s present. It’s a Zara skirt I’d been lusting after for weeks. I absoutely adore the rufflea at the bottom and how it’s form-fitting.

So, on my birthday I had a lot of things going on with school and work… So, no play for me. On Wednesday I went out and celebrated with a few close friends. Yesterday, I celebrated with my mom. We went to a really nice restaurant and they sang happy birthday to me. It was a really good time.

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Oh, being 21. All the responsibilities!
Anywho, I hope you enjoy my post.

How did you guys celebrate your last birthday? What goods did you get?

Take care!
xxoo

NYC

Hey guys!

I know it has seemed like I have abandoned you, but in all honesty, I was going through some personal stuff AND I went on that vacation to New York. So, yeah, I’m back and ready to get back to business.

I didn’t really take many photos in New York, but I’ll be putting up a post in these next few days with my New York purchases. I didn’t really purchase much, but the something is something!

Anywho, take care my lovelies!

xxoo

New Purchase – Boyfriend…..Jeans

Hey guys!

I know I’ve been missing every now and again. It’s kind of tough since I’m saving money for my trip to NYC in August, which is now officially booked! Yey! I did, however, splurge in a new pair of boyfriend jeans. I’ve never owned a pair, so these are going to be my first. 

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These Vintage Reserve Easy High Water Jeans by Joe’s Jeans are currently on sale at ShopBop. The last pic is of Aimee Song (one of my favorite bloggers) wearing them. I think they’re exactly what boyfriend jeans should be. They have nice rips here and there and the fit is nice and loose. I’m planning on pairing them as she did, with sexy sandals.

I’ll keep you all posted on any future purchases (which I am strictly banned on doing until NYC).

What do you guys think? Do you dig the whole boyfriend jeans thing?

Take care!

xxoo

Want to make my day? Follow me on wordpress/on facebook/by e-mail! 😉

Going Vintage

Hello lovelies!

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about vintage style. I’ve been looking at old photographs of Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, and even Twiggy. I love looking back on old trends because a lot of them are still applicable today! So anyway, I started browsing through Shabby Apple and ModCloth and found awesome pieces I’d love to share with you guys, along with some photos of the lovely ladies aforementioned.

First, the ladies:

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In my humble opinion, they’re Godesses.

Well, anyway, these photos were BURNED into my thoughts when I sifted through the two sites (Shabby Apple & ModCloth). Here are a few pieces that really caught my eye:

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This dress from Shabby Apple is gorgeous. The thing that I love about it is the French feel of it. I feel like if I wear it, I’d be saying goodbye to my French lover who’s leaving to fight in WWII. Dramatic, much? Indeed. 

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This dress reminds me a lot of Twiggy. I don’t know if it’s the simplicity, or the top of the dress, but it just gives me her feel. What makes it a sealed deal is definitely that it can be dressed up or dressed down, as seen here, and still look fabulous. The combination in this photograph is abosolutely stunning.

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Is it OK to be in love with a dress? I’m gonna say it is, for the heck of it! This dress is AMAZING. I love it from head to.. knee? It’s so classically vintage and yet can be modernized easily. It’s one of those pieces you can use so much, because it’s so versatile. 

Moving on to ModCloth

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This dress I can just imagine myself as Marilyn Monroe being acting as though I’m innocent, with a gorgeous pout, and then bring out the naughty later. It’s absolutely stunning, the print mixed with the color gives it an interesting look. 

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This dress seems very nautical to me, which oddly, I’m very much liking. What’s interesting is how they take a piece that looks very vintage, and yet twist it a bit so it’s modern enough to wear anywhere. You could wear this to your graduation and to a night out with the gals as well. 

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Now this dress is the 0ddest/coolest of all to me. I love the mixture of patterns on this dress along with the sleeves. It looks like something Holly Golightly mixed with a modern feel. It’s absolutely adorable. 

 

What did you guys think? Which was YOUR favorite? If you feel like browsing through the sites for yourself you could click here and here. Or, click on the banners at your right! 😉

Take care! xxoo

 

Want to make my day? Follow me on wordpress/by e-mail/or on facebook! 🙂

You Should’ve Listened to Your Mother (Short Story)

“What is that?” Felix asks with his nostrils flaring. I look at what he’s pointing at on the nightstand.

“It’s called a tampon,” I answer mockingly.

He gives me his “you’re hilarious” look and glares. “I know what it is smart-ass.”

“Then why did you ask what it was?” I ask turning away to change my shirt.

He follows me to my closet, “It was a rhetorical question! I meant ‘what is it doing on the nightstand’?”

“It’s not doing anything on the nightstand, I mean, it’s not doing its intended job,” I answer nonchalantly. I push him out of my way after I’ve finished dressing. He follows me to the kitchen.

He sighs, “You’re so smart-mouthed, you know that?”

I shrug, “You should’ve listened to your mother.” I grab a few pans and heat them up to make some scrambled eggs.

He puts his hand on his forehead dramatically. “I know you have your lady things, but I don’t want them in my face. It’s gross.”

To this, I had to reply. “Oh, ‘lady things’ is what you call it? What are you, nine?” I can feel my heart racing and my blood heating up. These are topics I never like to discuss with men.

He brushes his hair behind his ear nervously. “Look, I just think you should respect what I feel. I think I’m pretty respectful with what you dislike. I dislike very much seeing tampons lying around.”

I break open the eggs in a plate with so much strength that I do it wrong. “You’re lucky they weren’t used tampons. Those I put under your pillow.”

He rolls his eyes disgusted. “You don’t have to get so angry. I’m just saying…”

I turn to face him and his blue eyes are pleading, but not enough. “I’m not allowed to get angry at the fact that you’re disgusted by what nature has burdened me with, but you’re allowed to get angry because I leave the tools that help me get through the crime scene in my pants lying around? That’s very fair.”

He tries to grab me, but I pull away. “Ugh, I hate when you get like this.” He walks away and props himself down on the sofa. This time, I follow him.

I take a deep breath, “You want to know what I hate?” I ask calmly.

His eyes widen, “Not really, no.”

“I hate when you leave your underwear lying around, when you clearly farted and left ass marks all over it. I hate when you leave the toothpaste’s lid off. I hate when your junk stinks and you still expect me to touch it. I hate when you scratch that same junk and then don’t wash your hands before you eat” I say quickly in the scariest tone I have.

He bites his lip nervously and looks up at me, “I hate when you’re on your period.”

I smell burning and run to the kitchen. My scrambled eggs were burned to crisp. Murphy’s law.

“UGH!” I scream. I take a deep breath and recover my posture. I turn back to where my lovely Felix is sitting and sit next to him with my head in my hands. “You think you hate when I’m on my period? Try being on your period.”

He puts his soft hand on my neck and I pull away. “Sorry!” he exclaims. He knows I hate when people do that. It makes me feel like they want to dominate me, like a dog, or something. “Look, I’m sorry for being such a dick.”

“I’m sorry you’re a dick, too” I say with a half smile.

He chuckles a bit then turns my head to face him. “You know you’re a total bitch when you’re on your period?”

I nod.

“…Well, you’re a bitch when you’re not, too.”

I punch him on the arm. “Like you’re a walk in the park.”

He smiles that brilliant smile that turns me into mush. “So, does my junk really stink that bad? ‘Cus this is a recurring argument of yours. I’m starting to worry.”

I smile sweetly as I touch his face gently. “You should worry.”

I go back into the bedroom to grab my purse to head out to work, I’m already late.

“Hey! So, are you gonna make me breakfast?” he yells out from the family room.

I come out of the bedroom, grab a plate from the kitchen, and hand him his feast.

“Bon appetite!” I say as I walk away smiling.

“Tampon for breakfast! Very original! I’m throwing it away!” he yells as I close the front door.

Alone (Poem)

I know it wasn’t easy

In your house in Bayamon.

You were scared

And alone.

No one,

Not your ma’,

And least your pa’,

Gave a shit

About

You.

 

There you stand

Like a tyrant

Like a monster

And my heart breaks

Because you yell

And it’s booming

And powerful

And I’m weak

And small.

 

Have the neighbors heard?

“Mija, it could be worse”

But it isn’t

And it’s still bad

And YOU defend him

And I’m alone.

 

There you go again

Raising your voice

And then you wonder

On your own

“what did I do?”

And I laugh,

And we laugh,

And you’re alone.

 

I plead

For you

To tell him

To help him

DO SOMETHING

Because he’s not

Responsible

For my brothers’

Success.

 

There he goes again

Yelling

Screaming

Shouting

And

I

Say

“I’m sorry”

 

 

again.